Me Too You

5:30am

Ava, now 2.5 years old, has taken to waking, regularly, at 5:30am. Well, sometimes it is 5:17am or 5:34am. She pads into our room, Bumpies in hand (her favorite blankets - that's another post), in the dark, carefully navigating the stuff stacked around the edges of our junk room our bedroom, coming to my side of the bed, saying "Mommy...I want some cereal. And some milk. Beside it." It is still dark. I have either gone to bed at midnight (damn computer, sucking me in) or at 8:30pm, after a string of nights of 4-5 hours of sleep, probably not all at one stretch, because she has woken up and her covers have come off or Lily has had a bad dream or I have tried (and failed) to get Ben to come out of the top bunk and go pee in the middle of the night. Isn't it a joy having children who don't sleep in cribs anymore and are potty trained?

Sometimes I can convince her to be pulled in to bed beside me, often not to completely go back to sleep, but at least not to have to emerge from the warmth and darkness. Sometimes she tantrums and I give in and crawl out, poor her cereal and milk and lay down again on the couch. Sometimes she sees that I am still out of it and pads back out, not to her bed usually, but to the living room, where she can stretch up on her tippytoes and turn on some lights and curl up with her Bumpies on the couch. And sometimes, if she's lucky, Big Sister Lily will hear her and get up to.

Big Sister Lily loves to be in charge during these times, whispering to Ava to "Be quiiiiet. We don't want to wake anyone up." They will make up some games. Lily will get her a bowl and some Cheerios. I don't actually know what they do. See, I'm still asleep. It is lovely. Until, of course, Ava doesn't obey Lily "1....2....if I get to 3, something will happen....3. 1....2....3. 1...2...3. Waaaaaa!!! Mommy!" Then all bets are off and I reluctantly get out of bed. Today, though, it lasted a good hour, so I was able to stay in bed until 6:34. I can handle that.

There have been some...incidents. Like the time (I was actually gone for this one, having gone to my The Dailey Method class - ahh....joy) that Jeff woke up to find Ava with a purple marker, happily decorating the walls and kitchen cabinets. I arrived home at 7:15am to find Jeff scrubbing the walls. It wouldn't come off the cabinets. That's when we discovered Magic Eraser, which I had bought on a whim a long time ago, thinking "someday, I will probably need this" - it actually works really well. And it has Mr. Clean on it, a favorite of Ben and Lily's. Bonus. However, do keep out of reach of children (we do).

So far we are lucky. My twin sister, Robin - who I'm going to see next Friday and then am coming back here with her and her kids for 6 weeks or so (yippee!) - told me one day last week she and Mark were sleeping in while Hannah (5) and Sam (3) bustled around in the kitchen. From time to time they would come in to ask for things - "Can I have an apple?" "I need a posicle stick." Mommy and Daddy told them where to find these things, still in their snuggly, spoony bed. "Thank you!" When Mommy and Daddy finally got up, they discovered the kids had made a candy store - yay! Let me describe the scene - the featured item was Candied Apples. They had selected apples, stabbed them with popsicle sticks, covered them in caramel sauce (from the fridge - on a shelf they can reach, apparently) and hung them from the kitchen cabinets. Oh it was a messy morning. But very creative. I can only hope my kids aspire to this level of inventiveness. Give them time and opportunity and I'm sure they will.

Shopping for funky glasses and cowboy boots - a book club discussion on The White Trash Moms Handbook

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting a book club today for The White Trash Moms Handbook by blogger Michelle Lamar (who also writes for Deep South Moms Blog). Here is what the book brought up for me....

I have a habit with parenting how-to books - I read the first several chapters and pretty much glean what I can from that. 1-2-3 Magic, for instance (just one of the million baby sleep, positive discipline, early nutrition, other parenting books I have bought over the past 5 years): I got the bit about how to stop negative behaviors, didn't quite get to the chapters on how to motivate/encourage the positive behaviors. I'm sure I missed something key there... I tend not to have the time to read a parenting book from start to finish (shocker!), so I appreciate a little humor along the way. And The White Trash Moms Handbook has got it.

I am a little ahead of my time here, because my kids are still in preschool. BUT...Ben and Lily will be in kindergarten next year (school year, that is, so about 10 months and counting...it is coming fast) and the co-op preschool that we are involved with has a level of volunteerism that I can relate to. Oh, except that with a co-op, parents "volunteering" isn't a choice - it is a requirement. Drop-off preschools usually don't have this type of parent involvement - at least our previous preschool did not. I can see how it would be a big shock for someone who has had their kids in drop-off preschool to start elementary school and start being hit with requests for help and involvement in their kids' activities.

I really like Michelle's sentiment that parents NEED to be involved in their kids schooling and that NO, it is NOT ABOUT YOU, it is ABOUT THE KIDS. What you do with regards to your kids schooling affects your kids, plain and simple. Michelle gives tips about how this can be done (like choosing volunteer jobs that involve wine! And people you like!)...and still survive. I know I really feel the pressure to be the "perfect mother" and I have a tendency to say "yes" maybe too often and then stay up all night trying to get everything done. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to be perfect. Thanks, Michelle, for not only recognizing this, but putting some practical ways to deal with these standards and realities. While I'm not a huge fan of the tips that involve deception and immaturity, I LOVE the one about dressing the artsy-type to reduce the number of times you get asked to do things (and, in direct correlation, the number of times you have to say no...which, as I have said, I am not good at). Goodbye smart dress, hello funky glasses and cowboy boots! Preschool people - if you see me wearing this stuff, you will know that I don't have the bandwidth to take on any more.

A Lifetime of Reading for All

I grew up with parents who read a lot. We all love reading. My parents have said that my sister, Robin, and I (we're twins) just started reading one day when we were 3 years old. Maybe they are making this up, but I do remember reading all the time as a kid. My mother wrote in her journal every single day for many, many years and her journal (she let me read the first 3 years of my life when I had twins of my own to see how she dealt with the insanity!) reflects different books she was reading and what they made her think about in the world. I grew up with reading and writing all around me. On the Christmas Days of my childhood, I remember less about new toys and clothes - although we did get those things - and more about the lazy afternoons spent around the Christmas tree, all of us cozied up with our hot cocoa, reading our new novels. It is one of the things I miss (A LOT...) since I have had kids of my own -- just reading. I simply don't have the time much anymore to read every day for myself, for pleasure, in the middle of the day. I read every night before I go to bed, but I don't often ever have the opportunity to break out my novel and just read for 2 or 3 hours at a lazy, indulgent stretch. I do, however, read with the kids every day. Many times a day, actually. And I hope that before long we will all be stretched out on many an afternoon with our books. Ahhh....

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending a talk and party given by LeapFrog to the writers of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog at the Four Seasons Hotel in Palo Alto. The talk was informative and enlightening (even getting a bit political at times, which I really liked), the mingling with the other Silicon Valley Moms Blog writers was fun as usual, the food and wine fanstastic. (Note to self: Make your own potato martinis are a big hit! Even I, a terrible cook, could do this at home for a party...you know, if I ever HAD an adult party at my house....)

Silicon Valley Moms Group Co-Founder and Founder of Techmamas Beth Blecherman did a liveblog from the event. LeapFrog announced their new LeapFrog Community at community.leapfrog.com, which aims to connect parents as their kids learn on LeapFrog parents, but that was the extent of the "sales" stuff. Dr. Anne Cunningham from the University of California, Berkeley Graduate School of Education, led the discussion.

I got A LOT out of the discussion - even though I only spoke once (when the boys were being bashed for not wanting to sit still and read, to offer that, out of my boy-girl twins, my daughter is the one who is less likely to sit still and listen during storytime, while my son loves to read and will sit there for hours if you are willing to read to him until your voice gives out). The most interesting and valuable take-aways for me were:

• If you consider yourself a good speller (and I actually do...I will always choose "Word Worm" in Cranium. A lot of us in the audience raised our hands to say "yes, we are good spellers!"), this happens early. Infants and kids aged 0-3 years who are bathed in rich language (Dr. Cunningham has a study on her website which discusses this) have a trajectory for literacy skills that explodes. For those who don't get a lot of language exposure when they are very young, their skills level off. It is very important to read aloud to kids every day at least once. It can be hard for moms to generate a lot of talk, so reading a lot of variety is where you can get a lot of richness and vocabulary. Kids should be reading 30 minutes a day.
• Nursery rhymes and poetry are great because it exposes structure of language. Moving away from the meaning of language to the structure helps with their early literacy. For example, knowing that "go to" are two words.
• The haves and have nots should have the same access to print and to language. Dr. Cunningham talked about a study that was done about the impact of print exposure - kids who can decode quickly are really ahead of kids who can't. The surprising part was that not only are the kids who had a lot of print exposure better in terms of comprehension, but these kids will read more print and will read more often. Intelligence is what you do with what you are naturally endowed with. And avid readers can trump the smart people. More alarming about the have nots? In 3rd and 4th grade, studies show a fan out effect where good readers keep going up and the poor readers level off and lose interest. And these kids don't read for a LIFETIME. Again, we want everyone to have the same access. We talked about why people with higher incomes talk and read more. Dr. Cunningham offered that those with lower income just have a different style of speaking - it is more direct not as quisitive and back and forth. The media is different. The environments are totally different. CityMama, a former 3rd grade teacher of low income kids offered a perspective on this: these kids had life skills. Palo Alto kids don't need to worry. We need to worry about the have nots.
• We tend to dummy down our speech, but this is not great for young kids. Even if they don't comprehend every word, the exposure to a complex and large vocabulary is huge for their early literacy skills. When kids start reading themselves, parents should STILL read to them aloud, but expose them to material that is a little bit above them.
• For active boys (or girls...as is the case at my house!) - one thing you can do if they won't sit to listen to a book is to just have DVDs and audio books on in the background. Having a conversation about it also helps.
• The role of technology in early literacy is hot right now. Policy makers are turning to technology to help before and after school to get kids engaged. This is invisible learning. A low income study is seeing real gains with LeapFrog products. There was a bit of debate in our discussion about funds in Palo Alto schools being used for smart boards in each class rather than to keep arts and language courses that were slightly under-enrolled. Techmama offered that there is a learning curve for this technology, but that it is transformative.

After the talk, LeapFrog bestowed gift bags upon us all. LeapFrog was VERY generous to us bloggers, sending us all home with some great educational toys for our kids to play with. Ava (2.5 years old now) received a fun Fridge Farm magnetic animals set and Learn & Groove radio. She loves them both. These early learning toddler toys are similar to my experience with LeapFrog before this event (we had a Learn & Groove muscial table and the Fridge Phoenics magnetic set when Ben and Lily were littler). Ben and Lily (almost 5 and picking up this whole reading thing little by little) are wowed by their Tag...although I really need to get a second one, as twins fighting over who gets to read now is not exactly the positive experience I want to create! :)  The Tag is a special pen that you use to touch and "read" the words in LeapFrog Tag books. It is really helping the kids to focus on one word at a time and get the whole left to right, top to bottom thing. And I love that you can connect the Tag pen via USB to your computer and get all kinds of analysis about your child's progress and interact with the LeapFrog Community. Very cool!  The photo here is of Lily reading with the Tag to her Papa (my dad). I would love to try out a couple of Leapster 2s too, which look really cool - the folks at LeapFrog nicely said they would try to track a couple down for my twins, as they ran out on the night of the event. Thanks Leapfrog!!

Feel like shopping? I have a coupon to share that is good through November 15, 2008. Received $10 off any order of $50 or more when you shop at leapfrog.com. Promo code is: HY8BHPR.

Giveaways: At Mad About Multiples, the blog for my twins club Gemini Crickets, we will soon be giving away some Leapfrog items. If you have twins (or are expecting!) these are great educational toys for babies -- don't miss out!

A Wedding

Big news! Ben and Lily got married today. The photo is a little blurry, because it was tough for Ben to contain his excitement. He really wanted to dance. Marriage to them is: she wears a dress, he gives her flowers, there is dancing, they kiss.


An aside: I'm pretty sure neither of them is gay, but you never know and I hope they can marry whoever they want to when it is really time. I'll be voting No on Prop 8 next Tuesday.

Beautiful Photos from Lemos Farm: From Solheim Photography

Here are the photos that my friend Linda, prinicpal photographer and founder of Solheim Photography, took of our day at Lemos Farm. Much better than the ones I took! Gotta love having a professional for a good buddy. Thanks Linda!

Girls Night Out with HP

Ahhh....after a long day with all this...stuff - work, kids, school, laundry, dishes, email - I LOVE being able to leave at 6pm (the hour is key, because I get out of making dinner, my most hated mom-chore, mostly because I suck as a cook) to go out with the girls. I actually, luckily, get to do this a lot. First, there are my long time BK (before kids) friends - friends from college and law school and work. We try to get together when we can without the kids so that we can...you know, finish a conversation. And being on the board of Gemini Crickets (my twins club) and on the board of the kids' preschool means there are many "meetings." Yes, there are agendas and we actually do real work, but we do it, well, how to say this...with...wine. Sometimes quite a lot of it. I have made some of my best friends through these moms groups. Then there is Silicon Valey Moms Blog and the various events that go along with that. More photos being taken and products being examined (as in "I'm totally blogging this"), but, really, these ladies are a hoot. 

Yes, my kids know my "meeting shoes" very well. If the "meeting earrings" go on in addition, they know they'd better not stay up late! So a week or so ago, when HP threw a "Girls Night Out" party for Silicon Valley Moms Blog and other local bloggers, my friend Linda and I said "yes, please." We were also able to invite some other friends, Carla (by the way, that's my Lily on Carla's BabyJIDesign website's front page! Isn't she cute?!) and Melisa.

Checking in at the University Club in Palo Alto at 6:30pm, we were handed a glass of wine from Parducci Wine Cellars, (Hold on...I'm getting inspired. Let me grab a glass. Ok, I'm back.) grabbed a chicken skewer from a passed plate and were off! The theme of the night was Gift Giving. With the state of the economy, I know I am looking at all the ways I can save money and making my own gifts for friends is a great idea. The girls and I sipped wine and ate finger foods all evening, while decorating Cookie in a Jars (here are some sample recipe cards - you can do Hot Cocoa or Bath Salts in a Jars too) and cute photo paperweights. I was able to take some supplies home, because I am one of those people who like to have everything in front of me before I start creating...no really, I was just drinking too much wine and couldn't think anymore. Good thing there are lots of links to the stuff we did: here and here and here. We were able to take home some HP brochure and flyer paper too, so I can print out some more supplies. Linda was really in her element. She worked those tables like her best marathon scrappin' parties she used to hold...before we all went digital.

One of the best parts of the evening was the intimate performance for us girls by singer/songwriter Dana Parish. She is an up and coming star and it was a real treat to listen to her and to meet her. She really reminds me of Sarah McLachlan, who I have been a fan of forever. Dana Parish's album "Uncrushed" is on iTunes and is coming out this Tuesday, October 28. I love her song "Hung Up" and the one about fathers and daughters "She Laughed" made all us mommies well up and, actually, miss our littles ones for a brief moments during our night out. So sweet. She was just on Good Morning America too! Dana is now my friend on Facebook and I'm hoping to convince her to join Twitter too. Feel free to bug her about that...

Until the next Girls Night Out...it was a nice break. Thanks HP!

Cool art by Ava

Ava and I are loving Teacher Annie's Friday 2s class at Explorer Preschool. My mom was asking me what kinds of things they were doing. Last Friday there was a birdseed table (like, instead of sifting and pouring sand, they do birdseed) - so cool and different! And something I would never have in my house... The art project was simple, but I never would have thought of it myself. Sheets of white paper, bottles of paint colors that the kids can choose from, plastic cars to drive through the paint. Vrooooommm!
Another big component to the Explorer experience is the Parent Education Classes (PECs). Today we had our first daytime PEC and we talked all about concrete learning (for example, a toddler examining a real rose for the first time) vs. abstract learning (for example, a toddler seeing the word "rose"). And then we talked about how this related to positive discipline and why time outs don't work (because time outs are abstract). It was an interesting exercise - every day that we are a part of this school, I am happier and happier to have found it. I hate the pressure on our preschool kids to be academically-focused so that they can be "ready" for kindergarten. I love the emphasis at Explorer on self-esteem, self-care, self-regulation and problem solving. I am no expert, but these things ring true to me as the things that they will need to be ready for kindergarten and beyond. And, while it is hard for me to imagine not using time outs at all...I am going to do some thinking about this and get some of the books that Annie recommends on positive discipline. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure out the best way to discipline/encourage/guide (whatever you want to call it) my kids - and these things help. A lot. I am a much better parent for my kids going to this school. Not perfect, by any means. But much better.

Let's all go down to the pumpkin patch

Friday afternoons are the only weekdays when all the kids are home in the afternoon now that Ben and Lily are in the 4day class at Explorer which meets in the afternoons Monday - Thursday. It has been tough...Ava fights her nap every day these days. She seems to be on the verge of dropping the nap altogether, which would be nice in some ways, but she does still need the rest a few days a week at least. Oh, and let's be honest, the rest of need us a break every now and then from the constantly-in-motion, often-destructive-to-elaborately-built-train-tracks/stations, getting-into-her-sister's-stuff, me-too!-ness that is Ava at 2 years and 4 months old. (By the way, Ava is now the exact age Ben and Lily were when Ava was born - I often wonder "how in the world did I not go insane with two of these little ones?! Plus a newborn that was ill?" But I guess I just did it.)

Anyway, so on Fridays, we have decided to just go with the No Nap! thing for Ava and just go out and do something fun that we don't get the opportunity to do during the week when Ben and Lily are in school, I am working, etc. 

Today we went with Nana Karin and Papa Silly (Ben and Lily's new nickname for Grandpa Steve) to Lemos Farm in Half Moon Bay with my BFF (and former Co-President) Linda from Gemini Crickets, whose twin girls were born on Ben and Lily's due date. The kids are very close in age and we were in the same playgroup, where Linda would constantly be snapping photos of all the kids. Linda used to have a scrapbook paper design business and she would get us together for marathon scrapbooking days/nights. Then she taught me to digitally scrapbook - that's how Robin and I did the 70 Stories scrapbook for my Dad last year. Then Akemi and I got Linda in blogging. So many amazing photos have been taken by Linda that us Mommys started to tell Linda that, really, she should just do this for a living. And now she has - Solheim Photography has officially launched and Linda is booking for the holidays. If you're looking for a children's and family photographer, check her out. She has a great eye and is so much fun to work with.

These photos are the ones I took at Lemos Farm last Friday - Linda took a bunch more and I will share those when she puts them up on her blog or however she shares them with me. Her photos are, no doubt, a lot better than mine. But for now, you will have to put up with enjoying the sights taken from my iPhone...

A kids computer

Last week we visited the new Cambrian branch library in San Jose. The kids area is really great. There are plenty of great chairs and reading areas. Lots of books displayed in different ways for the kids to easily access. A staircase with beautifully designed bugs and fruits that the kids love to look at. A play area tunnel for the little ones to twirl brightly colored pegs and a funny mirror. An internet cafe (oh, right, that's for me!). The kids quickly discovered a pair of computers with kids games loaded on them. They made themselves comfortable and before you could say "apple" they were double clicking their way around and typing their letters and numbers. We have known for a while of their jealousy of our computers, but who knew that once in their hands they could be so adept?

Inspired, we bought a used iMac off of Craigslist for about $300. Outfitted with a cute Crayola kids keyboard and mouse that glows different colors and has an aquarium feature in it (wowie), it is just right for the kids. One trip to IKEA and we were set with a computer desk and chair for under $70. A total of $400 later (well, maybe $420 since we have bought one Sesame Street game so far) and those kids are clicking and typing the keys. Lily especially knows her way around a mouse - being able to click on the Elmo to start the game and navigate her way to exactly which part of the game she likes to do. Lily likes to mow the lawn with Elmo, Ben loves to "color," Ava...well, she likes to pound the keys on whatever happens to be up at the time (Peek-A-Boo Elmo!).

In this entry to computer-heaven with the kids, we're going to stick with this Sesame Street game and maybe check out some free websites with games, like Curious George, Nick Jr shows that we like such as Backyardigans, Dora and Diego, and Fisher Price. I've been looking at a Jump Start as well - we have some workbooks made by the same company that we go from the Scholastic Book Club. I know once I step into an Apple store, I will be tempted by all kinds of cool games, but we'll try to show restraint. Its a slippery slope to the online world, after all, and we don't want to go *too* fast there with the kids. For now, let's mow the lawn kids!

Ava is a big girl, a big girl, a big girl

Here's how the song goes (Robin and Hannah taught us this):

(Note: The subject of this song - Ava in this case - should be in the middle of a circle, preferably with a large audience surrounding her, singing and clapping)

Ava is a big girl, a big girl, a big girl
Ava is a big girl
She's 2 years old.

(Note: At this point, the subject should begin hopping on one foot in the middle of the aforementioned circle)

Hop, hop Ava
Hop, hop Ava
Hop, hop Ava, she's 2 years old

Today, Ava has indeed become quite a big girl. It began over the weekend - baby steps - and moved into full fledged a Big GIrl Project this morning.

Over the weekend, we decided to do some transitioning of her room - from the baby nursery (with crib, rocker, changing table, closed curtains - to assure napping! - and limited toys) to a "big girl room." Oh, and also we had been using her closet as sort of a stash for all of the random crap (baby stuff to sell, clothes the kids have grown out of, skin care products to send to my sister in Newfounland....) that we have no place for in the rest of our house, living in Silicon Valley in an 1150 square foot house with a garage that we use to work out of. Since we don't use her changing table anymore (she grabs a new princess PullUp from the basket and changes standing up these days), I converted her Stokke changing table into a play table. We removed all the stuff that didn't belong in the room (I piled it into our bedroom and told Jeff he probably shouldn't try to go in there as there was no walking room), and organized the closet. We also moved some toys in from Ben and Lily's room - dress up clothes-orama! Baby bunkbed - the octuplet babies finally have a home (yes, we have 8 baby dolls...at least). But the rocker and crib stayed as is. Ava was estatic. Fun! Toys! Lily made herself right at home too, at one point asking, "Is this my room or Ava's room?"

The bigger change came this morning, when we realized that we really needed to open up her crib into a toddler bed, so that she can get out on her own. See...she has chosen this past week - a week during which our beloved Whirlpool Duet washer of 5 years has decided to break on us...we are waiting patiently for parts - to whisk off her PullUp during her nap and go pee-pee (if we're lucky...) in her bed, thus dirtying all of her bedding (which we cannot wash, being without a washer while we wait for the part to come in and be installed), and ruining her nap. This has happened about 5 times over the past week and we truly think she knows she has to go potty, but is locked in her crib, so can't get out to go. Last night, about 2am, this happened for the first time during nighttime. So we decided, this was it!

Behold...the big girl room, pre and post-crib conversion: